“The smallest things make your heart flutter”: Bianca’s Mother’s Day story

“The smallest things can honestly make your heart sing and flutter,” says new mum Bianca, when we ask her what she loves most about motherhood. “Before I had children I would think, ‘you have to say that’. But now I know what parents mean. You can be so exhausted, but then you look at them and see a little smile and it makes it so worthwhile.”

For Bianca and husband Gearóid what makes these moments extra special is the fact they thought parenthood might never happen for them.

Bianca, who was diagnosed with CF aged two, was initially worried about starting a family, grappling with feelings of guilt as she contemplated her own health and how CF might affect a child. “I was talking myself in and out of having kids for a long time,” she says. “In the back of my mind I had this fear that it was unfair on the child if I was sick all the time.”

But when Kaftrio was approved, and Bianca saw big improvements in her health, “it opened up parenthood as a real possibility for us.”

However, there were still more hurdles to overcome. “I was diagnosed with unexplained infertility and we weren’t able to conceive for a long time,” remembers Bianca. “We’d kind of given up and I’d come to terms with the fact it might not happen for us.”

But then at the beginning of last year, Bianca and Gearóid received some surprising – and very happy – news: Bianca was pregnant. “It was a real shock when it happened naturally. It was amazing but also scary and exciting in equal measure,” she laughs.

Jude was born in November last year. Motherhood is amazing, says Bianca, but the first four months have been anything but plain sailing for the family. Bianca was hospitalized when Jude was just a few weeks old with a mystery infection. Not only was she really sick, but Bianca wasn’t able to see Jude while she was in hospital because of COVID-19 rules. Being separated from her newborn son was, Bianca says, “really quite traumatizing.”

“It really threw me off kilter,” Bianca recalls. “When I finally got home from hospital I was really fatigued and my mum had to stay and help look after him. I was blindsided by it as everything was going so well at the beginning. So I really struggled to let go of that mum guilt and accept that I needed that help. I needed to rest and get better.”

In the last couple of weeks Bianca has finally started to feel better, but her experience has taught her an important lesson about not putting pressure on yourself to achieve perfection, especially when you’re juggling motherhood with CF. “I realised I needed to put that mum guilt and ideal version of motherhood aside,” Bianca says. “It taught me to be flexible, to readjust when you need to and not worry about perfection as things won’t always work out the way you envisage.”

A support network has also made a huge difference. “Gearóid has been so supportive and it’s very much been a team effort. I couldn’t ask for anybody better,” she smiles.

To celebrate Mother’s Day, Bianca, Gearóid and Jude will be keeping things simple: “We’re hoping for some sunshine so we can have a nice walk somewhere – we’ve just got a National Trust membership!”

And whether the sun shines or not, after waiting so long to have a child, Bianca will be cherishing every moment with her son. “Seeing him do something new every day… it’s just amazing watching him develop. I’m blown away by how much I love him.”

We know that Mother’s Day can be tough for lots of people, for a variety of reasons. Your CF team may be able to provide emotional support or direct you to other sources of support.

You can also contact our Helpline on 0300 373 1000 or at [email protected] if you'd like information or support, a listening ear, or just to talk things through. 

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