"The single most important thing I’ve learned is to talk": Men's Mental Health Month

At the time, I had very little understanding of what cystic fibrosis was. It came as a complete shock when the health visitor shared the news on her first visit after my daughter’s birth. Her advice was ‘don’t google it’… which is obviously the first thing I did after she left. I wish I hadn’t. 

The feelings of despair, confusion, sadness, loneliness, and isolation were overwhelming. Let alone the fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what might be in store for me as a father. Fear of the scary reality of what life could be like for my daughter.

While close family and friends provided support, there was nothing I felt anyone could do to make any actual difference. What I’ve learned over time is that just their presence is essential. Sometimes it’s just the small or practical things that help. Sometimes it’s having a cry and man hug with my best mate. Allowing myself to release some of the stresses that build up when managing everything that is involved with CF is what helps. My daughter is also coeliac, which adds a whole other dimension to her health. 

After the initial shock and fog, my focus turned to informing myself about CF – what it is, what I needed to do to keep her healthy. I discovered just how important our CF team is. I ask them questions, often the same ones over and over again. They provide me with reassurance, guidance and factual information, correcting my imagined scenarios that only ever lead to more negative thoughts.

The psychologist in our CF team has been wonderful. She’s provided a safe place to share my worries and has helped lessen the burden, which can sometimes feel overwhelming. Since becoming a single parent, I’ve felt this more with the responsibility, and the guilt can be a lot some days.

Taking part in workshops with the Trust has also been hugely helpful, seeing the research that is being done and how there are amazing people making a real difference behind the scenes. The charity’s online catch ups also provide a place to chat with other CF parents, which have helped me feel less alone. 

I’ve also completed some long distance walks, helping to raise awareness and funds for the Trust. The sense of being proactive has helped give me some purpose - having some tiny positive impact for others that are yet to, or about to start their own CF journey.

The single most important thing I’ve learned is to talk. Reaching out to people, whether it be a friend or family member, another CF parent, or a member of my CF team, has been so important. Sharing my feelings and talking about the rollercoaster of emotions helps lessen the load. Seeing that people are truly willing to help and listen makes me remember I’m not totally alone in dealing with everything that being a CF parent throws at me. I’m part of a bigger CF community.